


Third Time's the Charm: Or So He Thinks

by saintjoy



Series: Sexy Crockers AU [2]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alpha Universe, Alternate Universe - No Sburb Session, Blackrom fricking, Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, slight sadstuck
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-06
Updated: 2013-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-07 17:04:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/750926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintjoy/pseuds/saintjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Taking pity or spitting hate: either way they'll bang and be done before Karkat Vantas has another show scheduled.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Third Time's the Charm: Or So He Thinks

**Author's Note:**

> (N.B.: This story takes place several months before Karkat meets John Crocker in the first part of this series.)

Karkat sat back in his cushy chair sipping his drink from a red bendy straw. Too sweet for his tastes, like almost every other beverage manufactured by Betty Crocker. That is, every fucking beverage on the market. The small TV on the coffee table blared with another propaganda advertisement for the aforementioned corporation; nothing else was ever on, and if there was it was often interrupted by flashing images that screamed "OBEY," "SUBMIT," and "CONSUME" in big block letters. Only humans were slow enough to not realize what appeared on their screen before it disappeared in a split second.

 

A knock on Karkat's locked door that had a ratty scarf stuffed into the crack between it and the frame for good measure. Karkat ignored it and took another sip. Another knock, this time more insistent and loud. He slurped up his sugary drink with no mind paid. A foot kicking the door and a hissed curse of pain. Who else could it be other than Dave Strider, Karkat discovered upon opening the door out of a need to joyfully shit on the man standing outside. "Can I help you, shitstain?" Karkat let the empty soda can drop to the floor while he kept the straw between his teeth.

"Let's see if you're not a big enough asshole to take a little pity on me," Dave drawled, leaning an elbow on the doorframe. Karkat scoffed.

"Pity? On a worthless sack of fuck like you? Exactly how much alcohol did you ingest this time? Obviously enough to fool you into thinking any of my feelings for you are something other than a hateful black." He paused. "Platonic black."

Dave chuckled. "Sure, platonic like the way you buzzed in pleasure into my ear the last time we fucked."

"It was for the money your disgusting brother paid us to do it, and for the percentage of all the profits made off the video. You know that, you slimy piece of flaming shit." Karkat took the straw out of his mouth and flicked it off to the side.

"Aw, kitten, don't be that way." The blonde man smirked and leaned down to ghost Karkat's curled lips. "Bet you a boonie you'd enjoy it if you let that pointy stick up your ass slide out a half inch."

"Bet you a fuck that you're jealous of said stick."

"Maybe I am if it'll get me laid." Karkat snarled, baring his teeth.

"You're a desperate dickmonger, I hope you know that." He gripped the doorframe with his clawed fingers. "You think I enjoy selling my body for some shitheads to molest it with their prying eyes and grimy hands?"

"If you hate it, why do you do it?"

"Puts food in my stomach, you ignorant groinstench. No fucking way there's employment anywhere else. If there is it'll get me trapped under her Imperial Cuntbitch's slippery fins." Dave shrugged with an air of nonchalance that grated Karkat.

"Fair enough," he hummed. "Doesn't stop you from loosening up a bit and allowing yourself a little real romance."

"Real romance? Where can I get some? Is it on sale at the Betty Crocker Intergalactic Mall? Can I purchase it and walk it on a ten-foot leash? Can I eat it for breakfast, since I have more necessity for food than any of that luxurious bullshit?"

"Well, there happens to be a special sale for grouchy stripper trolls with nubby horns going on right now. Stop by Dave Strider's Sex Emporium and pick up a taste of some romance for only one fuck. It's a steal, I swear to god."

"There is no god in this shattered world, fuckweasel." Despite his words, Karkat found himself edging out of the doorway and letting Dave in. "If there were he'd come and save me from the hell I go through."

"You gotta learn to look on the bright side of things instead of dwelling on shit, Kittykat." The blonde man took the slim advantage he got and slipped into the room, shutting the door with his foot. "Quit thinking so much and lemme take care of you." The troll shot him a look of utter incredulity.

"Take _care_ of me!? What sort of drugs did you inject into your veins? Are you fucking high?" Karkat stomped over to his chair and sat down in it again, his arms crossed curtly. Dave walked over in his constant calm manner and casually straddled Karkat's hips in the chair. Karkat rolled his eyes and looked off to the side. A snicker. 

"Yeah, take care of you," he hummed. "Keep you here like my little pet, give you a proper bed and shit. 'S long as you give me some special attention that you know you wanna give." He rolled his pelvis for emphasis. "Come on, Karkitten, you know you can't resist a rider on the Strider."

"How many unwitting whores did you lure into your grasp with that line?"

Dave thought for a moment. "Maybe like six a day?"

"Shit, you're a bigger slut than I am."

"I prefer the term "promiscuous," thanks." Dave tucked his head into the cavity between Karkat's neck and shoulder, and began nibbling at his pointed ear. "Now how about it? Crabkat."

"If I fuck you, will you shut your trap for one goddamn second afterwards?" Dave raised a finger and waggled it in front of the troll's face.

"Nuh-uh, Cutiekitten. I'm fucking _you_ this time around." Karkat shoved him away with two clawed punches.

"Excuse you, like hell I'm going to bottom for you again. You were absolute shit at it and it made me want to barf afterwards. No."

"Oh, but you like human dick in your ass, Karkitty. Never heard you purr so loud when I was banging you that first time," Dave whispered, not a blush on his pale face. "Admit it. It's your greatest pleasure to bottom for humans. No wonder your target clientele is filled with boner-donning hornless freaks like us." Karkat's eyebrows twitched. "Heh. I got you right where I want you, shitdick." Then, all of a sudden, the troll surged forward and pinned Dave to the floor, forcing his knee between his legs and grinding against his crotch, ripping holes in his red dress shirt with his sharp nails.

"Go back to the bloody nook you crawled out of, you insipid shitmongering footfuck," Karkat snarled.

"Footfucking, huh? Kinky," Dave bit back, baring his teeth in a cocky grin. "Better get the lube fo—ow—r that." The two grabbed at each other's shirts; Karkat aimed a punch at Dave's stupid face, only to have the blonde man roll over and bring him onto his back.

"Cocky piece of shit," he spat.

"Sexy piece of ass."

"Insistent horny life-ruiner."

"Seductive delicious life-maker." Karkat paused.

"Whore." Dave paused for the same amount of time.

"Right back at you." At that moment, Karkat roughly grabbed the back of Dave's head and crushed his lips against his own, letting his sharp teeth sink into them and draw blood. Dave tried to pull away at first, but let out a low groan and raked his hands across Karkat's chest under his shirt, teased his nipples. The troll grabbed his neck, squeezed it just enough to give a short sensation of asphyxiation, and growled against his lips, "Don't tease me or I'll vomit right into that shit-spouting puckered hole you call a mouth."

"We'll see whose hole is more puckered soon, babe." His hand strolled down Karkat's chest and grabbed his crotch, making him whimper. He massaged his awakening bulge, pressed the heel of his palm into him and watching every frustrated groan escape his lips. "Like that, kitten?"

Karkat panted out a moan, involuntarily bucked into his hand, and subsequently raked his claws down his back. Dave hissed. "Fuck, that hurts." He pressed a finger into the area of Karkat's nook. "You gonna be a bad kitty? You're gonna scratch your daddy like that?"

"Oh, fuck you off a bridge, Strider!" Dave popped open the shirt Karkat wore and bit down on a nipple; Karkat tore his shirt off his shoulders and sunk his teeth into one. He drew blood from the man's pale skin, blood that matched his own and the color in his eyes. The Strider shoved his shoulder into his mouth suddenly, knocking his head back onto the floor. " _Shit,_ if you knock my teeth out, Strider, I'll scoop them up and drop them into your coffee when you're not looking," a gasp, "and hope they lodge themselves into your squawk," a second, "gaper so you never," a third, "speak again!" Dave began thrusting his knuckles into Karkat's nook through his sweatpants, and sucked on his nipple harshly.

"Then I'd just have to find another way to make use of my mouth, nn?" Dave teased. He lined airbrush kisses down Karkat's stomach, roughly gripped his hips and pinned them to the floor, and tugged the elastic band of his pants down with his teeth. "Heh. Do you never wear anything underneath?"

"No point when I just take them off in preparation for the shows you schedule me for every fucking hour," Karkat growled as he propped himself up on an elbow to watch Dave's face near his wriggling bulge. "I swear to _god_ , if you even think about it, I will tear you a new one."

"I thought there was no god, Kitkat." He gave the tentacle-like appendage an experimental lick. "Think about what? Sucking you off?" Karkat stifled a moan.

"You are absolute _shit_ at sucking bulge, you fu—UCK!" Dave ran a hand along his length, massaging the tender skin between his thumb and two fingers. He shuffled himself backwards, grinned with his mouth open. "Don't you dare, don't you _fucking dare._ "

"And if I do?" Without waiting for an answer, Dave took an inch of his bulge inside his mouth and sucked.

"Rrrrgh!" Karkat scratched his claws into the blonde man's scalp in both an attempt to force his head down to get it over with and to make him refrain from the horror show that was about to come. "You… fucking!"

"That's the plan, babe," Dave paused to say. He ducked down again, edging further and further to the base of Karkat's bulge until the entire tendril was hot and wet in his mouth. Despite himself, Karkat groaned and writhed under Dave's grip, sweat beading on his temples. He clutched onto the man's hair tighter with every bob of his head, with every lick and noisy slurp on his increasingly sensitive bulge. Ugh, it was awful, it was completely awful, _he_ was awful—

Then he fingered his nook and white sparks flew before his eyes.

"Nrrgh!" Dave, encouraged, slipped his entire middle finger into his nook as he sucked on his bulge, and hooked it inside to stroke the inner walls and set Karkat's nerves on fire. "I didn't, say you could touch my nook, you self-entitled—!" Dave stuck another finger inside, upping his pace with the pursuit to make Karkat groan some more. And groan he did. His bulge climbed down the blonde man's throat; he gagged and coughed the tentacle-like appendage up. Karkat's eyes, that he didn't realize were closed, snapped open, he scrambled away from Dave and bent his knees closer to his chest.

"Hmm?" Dave wiped his mirrored shades of Karkat's red genetic material and licked his lips of it, too.

"If you want me to bottom for you, hurry up and get it over with," he grumbled. For emphasis, he leaned back on his tailbone and exposed his tight hole. Might as well give the dickhead a show, he thought, as he circled it with his own finger and whispered a moan.

"Damn." Dave unzipped his pants and rolled them down to the middle of his thighs, then pulled his boxers down to let his dick free. He shuffled forward, plucked a half-filled bottle of lube lying next to Karkat's chair. "Not gonna let me in your vag, huh?"

"It's called a nook, windbag," Karkat snarled. "And no. You pay extra for that."

"Hm. I guess I can settle for your ass." He poured a sum of lube onto his reddened fingers, and with a surprisingly soft kiss on Karkat's lips, stuck one into his anus. A flush rose on the troll's cheeks. "Still keeping up that virgin act, Karclit?"

He would never admit it wasn't an act. He bit his lip and threw his head back without a response given. Dave thrusted another finger in, in the same way he penetrated his nook just moments ago.

"If you think you're doing me a favor with actual foreplay, you think wrong." A smirk rose to the blonde man's lips that urged Karkat to throw the closest hard object at it. "Just lube yourself up and get this fucking over with before I get up and leave you with the bluest balls you've ever experienced."

"Nah, maybe I should just stop right here," he accentuated his speech with a particularly hard thrust, "until you return the favor." Karkat scoffed.

"You sure have a kink for being shown up, Stri _dick._ "

"So is that a yes?" The man's fingers froze in the troll's ass. The two stared at each other; an unfair battle, for Dave's eyes were eternally shrouded by those damn shades Karkat'd like to break. At that moment, Karkat turned the tables and slammed Dave's hips to the ground, and kept them there with his clawed hands. He dipped his head down to his crotch and rasped a tongue up his cock, bringing a moan from the man who always had his lips pursed like the mouth of a tied balloon. He pumped the base with one hand, pinned him down with another, and sucked at the top with his mouth, teasing the slit that leaked white fluid so too-familiar to the troll. Dave moaned out, and grabbed onto one of Karkat's rounded horns; Karkat slapped his hand away.

"You don't _get_ to touch my horns," he barked, eyes like magma and brows crumpled together. "They're not handles, moron."

"You must be fun at parties. You be climbing up on the chandelier with a lampshade on your head and a beer bottle in your hand, going "leedleleedlelee" or some troll mating call like that and—" Dave was interrupted by Karkat pursing his lips around his dick and sucking and moving his head up and down. The blonde man moaned and grew into a tense bundle of nerves under Karkat's control.

"Just," Karkat thumbed the tip of the human's cock, "shut," he nibbled the middle of it in a way that if Dave dared to jerk up his skin would be torn off, "up." Karkat took the entire length into his mouth, letting the top touch his soft palette and urging a rising shout from Dave's throat.

"Fuck, Karkat…" Karkat removed himself from his dick and sat up. He wiped his lips of the stickiness that accumulated on them.

"Are you ready to go or what?" Karkat glanced over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. "I have 45 minutes before my next show, if you want to get laid just—" Dave hooked his hands under Karkat's armpits and lifted him up. Automatically the troll clamped his legs around the man's waist, but by choice began tearing into his back with his claws. "What the _fuck_ are you _doing_ , you h—"

"Look, Crabkitty, as much as I love the sound of your own voice," he pushed Karkat against the nearest wall with his legs in the air, so he relied only on him for support, "I think you'd do us all a favor if you just," he grabbed another bottle of lubricant that sat on a nearby table, dabbed a bit on his hard cock, "shut," he stroked himself, nuzzled into Karkat's neck, "up." Suddenly, Dave bit into the grey skin near his mouth and shoved half of his length into the hole before it; Karkat shouted out, gasped, shuddered. Dave took no time in sliding himself the rest of the way in, and immediately slid back out only to plunge back in once more. "Huh. Not as tight as I would expect for someone who always looks like he's constipated."

"Hm, well perhaps it's a result of that stick you referred to being constantly up my—" he choked as Dave slammed into him again, his voice dissolved into a grunt. "Or maybe, I don't know, it's a little stretched from the fact that it's ravaged at least three times every ni—" another thrust made his throat close, and he gave up the idea of speaking altogether. Dave clutched his raw hips where others clutched before, and thrusted harder and faster into the troll's anus. Karkat dug his claws deeper into the blonde man's shoulders and his teeth deeper into his own lip, refusing to give him the satisfaction of making him scream in pain and pleasure. Dave bit and licked his throat, caressed the scars from where his grub legs merged into his sides, pounded him against the wall and listened for pleas to go faster. The pleasure wracked Karkat's body like bullets shooting through his nerves, he was coaxed and urged to yell all the expletives he knew to express how good he felt, but never did he want to admit that Dave was better at topping than him. _God,_ how he _despised_ him, god, how he wished he'd disappear and yet wished for him to come every day like the sick masochist he is so he could be shown up again and again, but somehow he'd still show Karkat up in the exact same way. Every. Fucking. Time.

Dave's breath became heavy in Karkat's ear, his grunts and groans clearly apparent and his body about to burst; Karkat himself was not that far from finishing, either. The blonde man picked up his already impossibly fast pace, slamming into Karkat against the wall again and again, sending wave after wave of pleasure rolling through his body. At last, with a prolonged moan and gasping shudder, Dave's hot ejaculation spilled into Karkat's body. Dave began to lax, but first moved his hand to the troll's wriggling bulge and gave it a round of vibration-like jerks until Karkat's red fluids soaked his pale chest and dripped off his nipples delectably. 

 

Dave pulled out and let Karkat slide to the floor. He grabbed a wrinkled shirt of Karkat's off the floor and wiped himself off. He pulled up his pants, zipped them, picked up his shredded dress shirt and loosely draped it over his back. "Try and trim down your claws next time, kitten. I'm your kismeshit, not your scratching pole."

Karkat squinted his eyes at him. "You'll never be anything more than a quick hatefuck to me, you slimy ball of scum." Dave chuckled.

"Sure, keep telling yourself that, Karkat." He turned the knob to the dressing room door and turned it. "Scratches on my back aren't the worst thing in the world, honestly."

"…The fuck's that supposed to mean," Karkat stated, his voice blank and tired.

"Figure it out." The blonde man stepped out the door, and muttered just as he closed his behind him, "Later, Kittykat."

 

Once he heard the man's steps retreat, Karkat stood. His knees were shaky, but he managed to keep himself upright until he fell into his cushy chair and grabbed a thin blanket off the coffee table. He grabbed the remote as well, turned the TV off and let the remote fall to the floor to disturb a few crumpled pieces of paper. Karkat curled in on himself, clutched onto his arms and tried to restrain himself from the thing that would inevitably come from the prickling behind his eyes. But when the first big teardrop fell onto the back of his head, Karkat overflowed and heaved as he bawled into his blanket. "Take care of me, my overfucked _ass._ " He covered his head with the ratty cloth, whispering, " _I hate myself I hate myself I_ hate _myself_ ," and continuing to cry until his world turned into a sleepy black.

 

~

 

"Yo, Karkat. You've got a show in 15 minutes, time to wake up." A finger prodded Karkat's side, making him jerk unhappily awake. He glared at the pointy-shaded figure before him. The other Strider. "Whoa, you're a mess." A thumb wiped at one of his still damp grey cheeks; he was too tired to deflect the touch. "Were you crying?" Karkat sniffled, frowned in disgust at the feeling of dried mucous around his nostrils. "Hey, come on, let's get you cleaned up." The older Strider removed the pink-stained blanket from Karkat's naked body without protest, and eased the troll out of his curled-up position. He led him down the darkened hallway outside to the bathroom, and once in there grabbed a bundle of paper towels and wet them under the tap water. "Go pull a toilet lid down and sit, okay?" Karkat quietly obeyed, his voice too raw to be raised. He shivered at the cold metal sensation on his tender skin. The older Strider kneeled in front of him and gently touched the wet paper to his face. "Well?"

"Don't feel like talking about it," Karkat replied curtly. The man in front of him shrugged and resumed his cleaning.

"Fine with me. Never was one to pry." A long silence passed over their heads. The older Strider scrubbed the dried mucous and tears from Karkat's face, tamed the red rashes on his hips. "I hope you realize that you can tell me if there's something the matter. I hardly represent myself as someone who wouldn't give two shits if you were in trouble."

Karkat scoffed, but his spite was weak. "Quit waxing pale for me, you'll get nothing out of it." The older Strider sighed.

"That's not exactly the point, but whatever helps you sleep at night." The man got to his feet and held out a hand to help Karkat up as well. The troll slapped it away in favor of clutching to the toilet paper dispenser to get up. Dammit, why were his knees so weak? "Go back to your room and order some takeout or something. I'll cover for you this show, but no more, alright?" Karkat could have grinned, but continued to force his lips into his usual frown. "You're very welcome."

"I didn't thank you." Karkat stepped out of the bathroom stall to splash cold water on his face in the sink. "I don't need another entitled prickshit booting me in the ass for a quick fuck because he did me a favor in the past."

"That's not what I'm looking for, Karkat." The blonde-haired man suddenly removed his glasses and hung them on his shirt collar. His sunset eyes stared at Karkat with an intensity that dared him to actually listen. "Have you ever considered the fact that someone might want to help you without the favor of sex constantly suspended in the air?"

"Maybe I will if I actually see it one day." The troll clenched his fists against his chest. "If you really wanted to do me justice, you'd rehire me as a bartender rather than a performer so I could have a little more self-respect for myself and a little more usefulness other than what I can offer of my own disgusting body!" Karkat turned around and started out the door. A hand clasped onto his shoulder and yanked him back.

"Are you listening now?" His voice was colder than expected.

"Why should I?" His voice wasn't cold enough.

"If you refuse to listen to me as a friend, then listen to me as your boss. Take this show off, no conditions nor future favors applied. Eat greasy crappy fast food." His face softened. "Just fucking take care of yourself better if you won't let me do so."

"I tried letting you, and you stuck me in a sex video with your sack of shit younger brother." Another deep sigh. No response. "That's what I thought, Dirk."

"All I'm doing is trying to help you help yourself." He took a plastic card out of his back pocket and pressed it into Karkat's palm. "Buy a gourmet meal for all I care. Stop treating yourself like shit because you're _not_ shit. Got it?" Karkat averted his eyes. "Now that's what _I_ thought. Back to your room, now." He replaced his glasses upon his face and nudged the troll out the bathroom door.

"…Thanks," Karkat grumbled.

Dirk smiled. "You're welcome."


End file.
